just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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