My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
