Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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