yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
