Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what day is it and did you see me today?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
