i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got inside last night via doggy door
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
