Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
