ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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