oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this boner is exhausting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
