I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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