remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
how does that bad decision feel?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
