Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
