There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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