Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
