You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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