you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we're making bets on your personal life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
