i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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