why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
