It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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