Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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