i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
