before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize