We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
