I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
