I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
