It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
