fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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