Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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