I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
