Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
