I just threw up on my dentist
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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