Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
