He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were trust falling into bushes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
