there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
