My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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