Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
