I'm really into asian looking animals
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
