my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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