The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Houston, we have a blender
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
