We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
