Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
