Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
