Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
