if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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