SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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