Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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