That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
