thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
