Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
