Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i used baking grease as lip gloss
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
