And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
