somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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