i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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