so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
