Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
