all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
