Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
