A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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