Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
