I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
