i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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