Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
