No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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