I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
