I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
