Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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