I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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