I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
